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“The cringing mortal you knew as Chad Sayler is no more. I am become Lord Chad, Master of Seals, and my pinniped servants shall overrun this corrupt earth like wet, undulating hounds of hell. Pray to any gods you please for mercy in the next life, for you shall find none in this one. ORF ORF!”
This one is based on a New Yorker cartoon:
“The Seal Master grows tired of your career advice, Mother.”
“Weird dogs? WEIRD DOGS? These are NO MERE CANINES, you simpering fools! They are SEALS, Nature’s perfect weapons. They obey only the commands of LORD CHAD, the SEAL MASTER, and they shall be your DOOM.”
“My hands do NOT smell of fish, Barbara, they smell of POWER. The POWER to control SEALS. Yes, yes, the power comes from fish, but he who masters the SEALS masters the WORLD. DARE you truly wrinkle your nose and shy from the touch of the future master of the world, Barbara?”
“Oh, you trained a seal to balance a ball on its nose? How clever! Quelle drôle d’idée! When you are finished demonstrating your little circus tricks, I shall show you a trick of my own, and then we shall see who is the true MASTER OF SEALS, Francisco!”
If you’ve enjoyed the adventures of LORD CHAD, SEAL MASTER, please throw a little something in my tip jar:
I will produce another set of image macros containing a further quote from the SEAL MASTER for every $10 I receive today (June 13th), or any day through Friday (June 17th), to a maximum of 25 new images of LORD CHAD, SEAL MASTER. Funds need not arrive in multiples of 10; if ten people throw in $1, that’s still one image.