STATUS: Monday, December 21st

Recent Events and the State of the Me

Weeks ago now, back at the start of December, our landlords told us that in a few days, their favored contractors would be coming to do necessary and long-delayed repairs on our roof. When they showed up, it turned out there had been a communication error somewhere. They weren’t just here to fix the roof, but to do multiple repairs inside and out that had similarly been put off.

Pro: They were, as I said, necessary. The plaster in my bathroom in particular had rendered it almost unusable, at least not without a hard hat. You certainly didn’t want to do anything that would put off a lot of steam. The dining room was not yet that bad, but it was still rapidly approaching a Sword-of-Damocles type situation.

Con: With no warning, we—here meaning Jack, who was the one caught by this particular broadside—had to scramble to clear out multiple rooms we use every day, including the dining room that Jack had just finished decorating for Christmas. We also had to pen the cats up in their “suite”, which is my office and bedroom, as Tommy has a history of making adventurous choices she later regrets when there’s unusual activity in the house.

The disruption was pretty substantial, but we were assured it would not last long. Two days was the quote, maybe three or four with padding.

It turns out they actually finished up this weekend… and yes, they came and worked over the weekend to finish up the job at long last. That’s more than two weeks and the vast majority of the month to date that the building I live and work in has been disrupted by the sound of hammering, clattering of ladders, loud conversations drifting down or through the windows.

I can’t say it’s been a pleasant couple of weeks, or that it’s been good for my often-shakes nerves or nascent resurgence of confidence as a writer. At first I kept up my Thing of the Day pretty well by doing bits of writing at night, when it was quiet… but after a while, I just wound up exhausted, mentally and physically.

This all came right on the heels of a long period of struggle with anxiety and depression, as well as complicated external factors. In some ways, I feel like I’m playing a roleplaying game with a jerk of GM who plays against the players. It feels like every time I try to do dig in my heels and get something done, get my writing and other projects back on track, there is something to counter my move and make it impossible, but it’s often something that’s not directly affecting me or isn’t objectively bad (like necessary home repairs!) so it feels petty to complain about or even mention it.

Despite that, I’m not feeling discouraged at the moment. I started the month resolute and enthusiastic and set on getting back to my writing roots, and I had some fairly impressive results even under adverse conditions. Since I wasn’t getting much done anyway, I took the opportunity to take some time off from my braining pills to try to limit my built-up tolerance for them… I’m going to start incorporating off-weeks into my regimen going forward. Judging by how downright perky I am today (first day back on), I’d say it makes a difference.

Of course, my sleep schedule is borked all the way to heck and back. My work habits are pretty much starting from scratch. And this week is going to end early on account of holiday. So… I’m not sure what to expect from the rest of this week.

I am going to be blogging every day, at least, and resuming my daily Thing of the Day posts. I’ll let you all know what’s going on more with specific things as specifics develop. I’m really eager to get things moving again, though… nothing counters a nagging feeling of inadequacy like doing stuff. And of course, having been effectively “out of work” for so long has put a serious dent in my finances right at the holidays… putting more stuff out there is the quickest and easiest way to make a little money.